More on Listening -- the Competitive Edge

On February 1 of this year, I first wrote about "Listening."  The basic thrust of the Views was that while listening counts for 45% of our communication time and writing, reading and speaking are at much lower levels, 9%, 16% and 30% respectively.  The problem is that in our educational system we spend very little time educating students in the art of listening.  Hopefully the following excerpts from the Listening Counts Program will be of some benefit.

The biggest block to personal communication is the inability to listen intelligently, understandingly, and skillfully to another person.  If we want to improve, we should develop good listening habits.  For instance:

Capitalize on thought speed  -- The average person talks at a speed of 125 words a minute.  Most of us think at rates of 500 words a minute.  What we do with the extra thinking time depends on whether we are poor or effective listeners.  Poor listeners will let their mind wander.  Good listeners will use the time to their advantage by anticipating where the person is going, mentally summarizing the speaker's point of focus, weighing the evidence and listening between the lines.

Listen for ideas -- Note the facts being presented but concentrate on the "Main Idea" being presented.  How do the facts relate to one another and support the "Main Idea"?

Beware of emotional deaf spots-- Deaf spots are the dwelling places of our most cherished notions, convictions and complexes.  When a speaker invades these areas with a word or phrase, we jump to conclusions or defensive reactions.  An excellent example would be when your tax accountant makes the statement that he has just heard from the Internal Revenue Service and . . . .  At this point your mind will take off in all directions assuming the worst.   In reality you may have just received an additional rebate.  Emotional deaf spots exist almost everywhere.  For instance the two words, "Bill Clinton" or "Pro-Choice" may set you off.  Or three words or letters like "Right to Life" and "NOW" have the ability to distract thinking and create a mental block.

Finding an area of interest -- Poor listeners usually declare a subject dry after the first few sentences.  Good listeners follow a different tact.  Their first thought may be that Th. subject is boring but their second thought is "What do I do?  I can't just walk away."  Being trapped, it would be good to see if anything is being said that can be put to good use.  It's a personal challenge.  Ask, "What is being said that I can use?"  "What worthwhile ideas does this person have?"  "Is there anything that I can cash in on?"  "What is being said that has value?"  Etc.

Judge content, not delivery -- Don't let the person's inability to be a good speaker or the speaker's personality interfere with the thoughts and ideas being presented.

Hold your fire -- You can be over-stimulated as well as under-stimulated.  The over-stimulated listener gets too excited too soon.  Learn not to get worked up about a speaker's point until you understand it thoroughly.  Withhold judgment until comprehension is complete.  Over-stimulation can be either positive stimulation or negative stimulation.  However, in a majority of the cases early over-stimulation is negatively focused.  The speaker will touch on a pet bias or conviction and over-stimulation is triggered.  The first reaction is to enter into an argument, if only mental.  The listener will now forget about what is being said and start building a case for how and why the speaker is wrong.  If the speaker has touched on a nerve, listen for Th. basis of the speaker's opinion.  You could gain another valid perspective to a controversial subject.

Work on listening -- One of the best investments we can make is to give the speaker our full attention.  If you have to be there, make it work both for you and the speaker's advantage.  Your expression of interest will motivate the speaker to express more clearly his/her position.

Resist distractions -- Not only resist distractions but take action to eliminate them.  This may be as simple as closing a door or asking the speaker to speak louder.

Challenge yourself -- Good listeners develop an appetite for hearing a variety of presentations.  good listeners are explorers at heart looking for different learnings and perspectives.  When the opportunity comes, utilize it to learn and understand new worlds even if they are just between someone else's ears.

If I had my way:

• There would be no phones in the room behind the mirror.
• There would be no food in the back room.  Well maybe M&M's and peanuts would be acceptable.
• There would be no discussions of company business except for the topic of the study.
• All members of the back room would participate in a summary discussion following each session.  And yes, it would be video-taped.
• All members of the back room would draft a summary of at least one page covering the findings of the sesson(s).  If the company invests your time and expenses, you can at least give something back.

• When you plant bird seed, do birds grow?  And what do you feed them?
• If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it make sense that electricians should be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
• Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
• If horrific means to make horrible, shouldn't terrific mean to make terrible?
• Do Roman Paramedics refer to "IVs" as "4s"?
• If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes"?
• Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
• Why is it that in England the Royal Mail delivers the post and in the United States the U.S. Postal Service delivers the mail?